


Losing you hurts like hell

by dreamerinheaven



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Gemma being a good sister, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, but still kinda AU, drunk!Connor, hurt!Connor, hurt!oliver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 05:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11548077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerinheaven/pseuds/dreamerinheaven
Summary: “I love him, Gemma.”, he whispered hoarsely between sobs, “I love him and he just left me like – like I never meant anything to him in the first place, like-”Deep down Connor knew that he was being unfair, that Oliver did what he thought was the best for him and that he tried to deal with the break up in his own way, but a much bigger part of him didn’t want to be fair or objective. He wanted to cry and shout and curl up under a blanket, just for a while, to forget that somewhere out there the love of his life was probably not even thinking about him.





	Losing you hurts like hell

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a Secret Santa project last Year and I completely forgot to upload it here, too. I hope you enjoy it :D

“Connor? What are you doing here?”

His sister looked and sounded tired, her arms wrapped around herself in front of her doorstep, looking at him like she wondered if he had completely lost it.

Maybe he had. Connor couldn’t tell – he had been driving for hours on pure adrenaline with the music so loud that a part of him wondered why he hadn’t been stopped by the police. And wouldn’t have that been hilarious? Getting away with murder just to go to jail for driving like a maniac.

“Are you hurt? Did something happen to Oliver?“

The sound of Olivers name snapped him out of his thoughts and he almost laughed hysterically. Of course. Gemma had no idea that they had broken up in the first place. He had thought that he could fix things, that he could win Ollie back.

“He broke up with me.”

Gemmas eyes widened almost comically and again, Connor almost laughed.

“He broke up with me a couple of weeks ago because he needed space and time on his own and I -.”

Of course he wanted to get away from him. He was no good in relationships, he was good for a quick fuck or two, but nobody would bring him home to meet the family. Aiden had even called him by nothing but his last name the first time they had met after Aiden had dumped him. And the guy before him – well he had made it certainly clear that being with Connor was more work than he was worth. Damaged, slutty Connor Walsh.

He felt Gemma’s arms around him (when had his sister even moved?)and something in him broke. A sob escaped his lips and he buried his head on her shoulder, shaking violently. He shouldn’t even be here, he should be at their flat, with Oliver, in his arms, watching some dumb movie, eating takeout or simply make out with him. He shouldn’t be at his sisters doorstep crying his eyes out over a broken heart.

“I love him, Gemma.”, he whispered hoarsely between sobs, “I love him and he just left me like – like I never meant anything to him in the first place, like-”

Deep down Connor knew that he was being unfair, that Oliver did what he thought was the best for him and that he tried to deal with the break up in his own way, but a much bigger part of him didn’t want to be fair or objective. He wanted to cry and shout and curl up under a blanket, just for a while, to forget that somewhere out there the love of his life was probably not even thinking about him.

“Oh darling.”, Gemma mumbled and he felt her press a soft kiss against his temple. “Come on, let’s get you inside first.”

He let himself be pulled inside, still shaking and tears running down his cheeks. Connor knew that he probably looked like a mess right now but for once he couldn’t bring himself to care. For years he had convinced himself that he wasn’t one for relationships, that they just weren’t worth the trouble. And then Oliver came along with his smile and his cute glasses and his _warmth_ and before he knew it Connor catched himself lowering his guard, letting him in, showing him the true Connor Walsh. The one who got insecure, who sang in the shower and who made breakfast and even the fucking crossword.

Maybe he had expected too much. Maybe he had relied too much on Oliver -

Oliver. Even his name made everything inside of him ache, made him want to jump right back into his car, right back home, to him, to ask him, beg him, for another chance, _just one Ollie, please, just one, I need you, please_.

He didn’t notice that Gemma lead him towards the guestroom, until she gently urged him to sit down on the bed. It was like a part of him hadn’t caught on to the fact that Oliver had dumped him. Or at least he had thought that they could fix things between them, that soon enough he would be back in Olivers arms and their apartment before he knew it. But today, in the clinic, something had snapped inside of him. Oliver seemed - He seemed happy and while Connor wanted nothing more than his happiness it still felt like a punch in the face that, apparently, everything Oliver needed to be happy was to be away from him.

Oliver didn’t want him anymore.

——————————————————————————————————

A whole week passed like that. For the next day Connor had called in sick, but the day after Gemma had driven him to the clinic herself with the very real threat of kicking his ass if he would sabotage his future ( _What Future? Connor wanted to ask, You wouldn’t talk about my future if you knew what I did._ ) over a guy.

And now he saw Oliver every day, knowing that Oliver was moving on (he had to, he didn’t look even half as shitty as Connor was feeling and he didn’t knew if he wanted to punch him or fuck him because good god those suits were hot and Connor still couldn’t look at Annalises desk without getting flustered) while he was aching to feel his warm skin under his fingers, to run his hand through his soft hair or just to hear him talk about his day or the new Star Wars movie.

Connor had tried. After two days being miserable he had gone out, chatted up a guy and ended up fucking him in an ally behind a bar. And yet, after the guy (Edmund? Edwin?) was gone Connor didn’t feel better. What made it worse, he hadn’t stopped thinking about Oliver, not even once. There was a horrible, aching hole in his chest and fucking random strangers behind bars wasn’t going to fix it.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Apparently he was way more drunk than he had thought.

Connor blinked slowly, looking at the guy next to him who was leading him out of the bar. “Y'know.”, he mumbled, “You really look like my Ex.”

The guy snorted in response, something Connors drunk mind just couldn’t understand. “Oh, that’s a good thing.”, he explained and the guy suddenly walked slower. “I mean it’s dark as fuck, but – like – you look a lot like him and – and that’s he good thing because he’s beautiful.” He leaned more into the stranger, “He’s beautiful and smart and perfect and I ruined everything” A tiny part of him knew he was rambling but at the end of the day – who cared, really? “I – I cheated on him and he forgave me and I don’t know how but I went and fucked things up again and now he doesn’t love me anymore.”

The guy was silent for a couple of minutes but Connor didn’t even notice. “It’s my fault.”, he finally mumbled, “I lied to him. I wanted to protect him but he knew I was hiding something and he couldn’t love a liar. But now he’s gone and – and that doesn’t even mean he’s safe because now he’s working for her, and it’s all her fault because she made us do this in the first place, if it wasn’t for her – if it wasn’t for her I would still have him and -”

“We’re at your apartment.”, the guy interrupted him.

“Do you have a cold?”, Connor mumbled, “You sound weird.”

The guy sniffed. “I – go to sleep, Connor.”

Connor jut nodded and let himself into the building. It wasn’t until he laid in bed that he wondered when he had told the stranger Michaela’s address. Or his name.

 

 

 

Outside Oliver leaned against the door and closed his eye, tears streaming down his cheeks. Connors words were echoing inside of his head.

When he had seen Connor leaning against a table all by himself and completely trashed he hadn’t even hesitated to lead him outside to bring him to Michaela’s, which was just around the corner. Connors weight had been warm and solid against his side and Oliver had missed him, but he also didn’t need long to realize that Connor was so drunk he didn’t even realize it was him he was talking to.

_And now he doesn’t love me anymore._

As if he could ever stop loving Connor, even for a heartbeat. As if he could ever stop missing him.

He had tried, god had he tried. And Thomas had been nice, but at the end of the day he wasn’t Connor and every single reminder of that, every time he had done or said something that Connor never would his heart had ached a little bit more for the man he no longer had in his life, So he had called things off with him this evening before he went out to get drunk and to forget about the disaster that was his love life.

Instead he had bumped into his Ex (and didn’t the reminder of that fact hurt) and now his words were replaying in his head over and over again.

Like Connor mentioning lying and secrets. A part of Oliver couldn’t help but wonder if Connor would actually answer him if he went over tomorrow and asked him. After all Connor had said he would do whatever he wanted if that meant Oliver would give them another chance. Did that include the truth about whatever it was Annalise made him and the rest of he Keating five do?

With a last glance towards the building he knew Connor was in right now, he turned around and slowly made his way towards his own flat, replaying every single word Connor has said in his head, wanting nothing more than to turn around, knock at Michaela’s door and tell him to come home.

But even now, with hiss heart aching for Connor, he knew that that would be a bad idea. He knew he couldn’t be with him, no matter how much he wanted to, until the younger man started to finally be open and honest with him.

 

 

The next morning Connor woke up with a hangover and a text message that made his heart ache in the best and worst way possible.

 

 

_**[Oliver 01:30 am]** I don’t know how much you remember of last night but we need to talk. Please come over when you read this._


End file.
